Sasuke's Wacky Bachelor Party Adventure
by Sarigo
Summary: Threeshot. SasuSaku "They were going to Vegas. Whether Sasuke knew it or not. Besides, he'd come to love it the minute they got there, right?"


**AN. **Written in collab with Killermay. This will probably be only a few chapters long, but it does have to be split into chapters. Reviews appreciated!

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**Part 1.**

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If there was one thing Sasuke was bad at (because he wasn't bad at much, being a complete badass and all), it was conversing. Socially.

He was lucky in the fact that being slightly (read: completely) socially awkward didn't impact his overall bad-assery but, since he _was _fantastic, people wanted to talk to him. _To get to know him._The thought itself disgusted him.

He didn't like to talk, he didn't like to start conversation, _he didn't like people._

That's why, when he was standing in the middle of the street, in front of a strip club (because, really, he just couldn't wait anymore), he was confused. He almost lost his grip on the little black box when Sakura jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. She said "yes" 23 times—he had counted, it seemed significant—before she kissed him.

He was still confused, but it was okay because he was happy.

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(into the future)

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"Wait, holy shit, back up," Naruto said into the phone. He was freaking out. Sasuke—SASUKE UCHIHA—just called and informed him of his engagement. ENGAGEMENT.

He was not okay with this on a lot of levels.

Sasuke—SASUKE UCHIHA—was getting married before him. To his middle school love. What the fuck. No._ No._ That was not okay.

_"What, idiot?_" Sasuke's voice came from the phone.

"You're engaged. To Sakura," Naruto replied.

_"No, I just said all of that because it isn't true_," Sasuke deadpanned. "_Idiot_."

"Fuck you, Bro, I'm trying to piece this shit together."

He could practically head Sasuke twitching. "_Whatever. Bye._" Naruto began to yell him to not hang up that damn phone, but it was too late and he could already hear the beeps saying that no one was on the other line.

"What a douche," he groaned, getting up. "This isn't _even_ fair. Seriously."

He flipped the phone open - because he seriously still had a flip phone - and scrolled down the contacts list. He called up his other friend, Kiba. He had to bitch to _someone. _He decided to give Kiba a call, even though they hadn't spoken in a while. Because he'd be all over this.

When it was answered, he began to talk without even greeting him.

"Dude. Guess who's getting hitched."

Kiba paused.

_"Not you, that's for sure."_

"Oh, yeah. That's funny. You're an ass."

_"Get over it. Oh and hey, how about a hello?"_

"This is too important for a hello!"

_"Ugh...okay, who? Who's getting hitched?"_

"Sasuke. SASUKE UCHIHA.."

_"What?"_ Naruto heard Kiba shuffling around. It was silent for a few seconds before he continued. _"You're fuckin' serious?"_

"I'm serious."

_"No way!"_

"Yeah. Sasuke and Sakura are engaged now. Da fuck, am I right?"

_"Well, what about the bachelor party?"_

Bachelor party.

"Holy shit, dude. I'll call you back."

Naruto hung up the phone once more and went to his room. The highest part of his closet contained a small box filled with paper. He reached for it.

You know how when girls are little, they spend their entire childhood thinking about the perfect wedding?

That's how he was; except, for him, he'd spend his entire high school life planning Sasuke Uchiha's bachelor party.

He opened the box, and the five-to-nine year old paperwork seemed brand new to him. He remembered it all, as he pulled each paper out. Skimming through the pages, he finally came to the one that read "Invitations".

"Kiba's on here...as well as Shikamaru, Sai, and...Neji Hyuga? _Neji Hyuga?_ Why the hell did I put_ him_ on here?"

But, he shrugged that off, and began to call each of them up and explain his plans. Then, he redialed for Sasuke.

He didn't answer the first time. So Naruto called again. And again.

_"What. Do you. Want?"_

Sasuke sounded more annoyed than usual. Naruto checked the clock, but before he could apologize, he was scolded.

_"It's two in the morning, Naruto. TWO IN THE MORNING. You woke Sakura up."_

From the sound of it, he also woke him up.

Wait. They were living together already?

"I'm sorry, dude. But I forgot to tell you something earlier."

_"You have five minutes."_

"Okay. So, what would you say to having a bachelor party? Like, a legit one? If I paid for the whole thing?"

_"...What?"_

"A bachelor party! Like, I'm thinking, we could fly out to Las Vegas, have a good time for what, three days? Then fly back and have your little wedding ceremony thing."

_"I'm not going to Las Vegas."_

"What? Why not?"

Sasuke sighed. _"Do you know what Las Vegas means?"_

"I took Spanish - of course I do. Las Vegas translates to The Meadows."

_"Yes. But in the Spanish-to-Sasuke translation, Las Vegas means trouble. Prositutes, gambling, and alcohol. Las Vegas doesn't really seem like a place to go before a marriage. Especially since we need to trust each other and all."_

"Oh...well, if not Las Vegas, how about Los Angeles?"

_"Los Angeles?"_

There was a long pause, to show he was actually considering it. The fact that Naruto was paying, probably made the whole thing a lot more likely for Sasuke to agree with.

_"Alright. As long as you stick to your word on payment."_

"YES! Oh, when's the wedding?"

_"Well, Sakura wanted it to be as soon as possible, so...next month."_

"Next MONTH? Damn, Sasuke. You're lucky I've been planning this out for so long."

_"You scare me. Go to bed."_

With that, the conversation was over. So what if they couldn't go to Vegas? L.A. had to be just as fun. Like, they both had Spanish names and all...

He pulled his laptop out from under the coffee table by the couch and began to research.

"Things to do in Los Angeles..."

He looked over the results.

"Boardwalk...well, that could be nice, right? Um...the Observatory...yeah..."

Fuck this. They were going to Vegas. Whether Sasuke knew it or not. Besides, he'd come to love it the minute they got there, right?

"Viva, Las Vegas," Naruto singsonged as he put the laptop back under the table and went to bed. "Now all I have to do is figure out how to get him there without him realizing it's Las Vegas..."

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The five of them sat in the living room awkwardly. Naruto was surprised Neji said yes, since they hadn't spoken in five years and all, and that he had actually been the first to show up. Sai was there, and he was definately the most talkative of the group. Kiba was foaming at the mouth, since Naruto said they couldn't bring his dog along and he had to leave him for the first time in forever. And Sasuke, well, he was Sasuke.

"Sooo," Sai began, looking over in Sasuke's general direction. His ability to put emotion into his voice while showing none whatsoever was, to say the least, startling. It was just as bad as Sasuke, except without the rage. "You're living with her? How's that been?"

"It's been okay," Sasuke replied. "She's nice to be around."

"Do you sleep together?"

"Um...we sleep in the same bed. We haven't had sex yet, though. We're waiting till the...wedding night. After the ceremony and all."

Sasuke had always had a hatred of the word "Honeymoon". No one could explain why, even him. It was a pretty tacky sounding word, sure. But he made a point of never saying it, along with other girly terms.

"Tell me you at least cuddle?"

"Well, I sleep on the right side of the bed, she smothers me, so yeah. We do."

"That's great."

With a couple of coughs, the talking ceased.

"So...Neji," Naruto tried to begin, once more. "Where did you go after high school?"

"Oh, you know...out and about."

"Right..."

Kiba stood up and went to the door. "So, I'm gonna go get a few beers. Any specific brand?"

What a weird question.

"Just get whatever," Naruto smiled. "Sasuke doesn't drink."

"Yes I do."

"Sasuke doesn't drink," he persisted. Kiba shrugged and left the house.

With that, there was absolutely no sound in the house now.

"Hey," Naruto grinned. "Let's get a stripper, for when Kiba comes back. It'll kill him."

"No," Sasuke barked. "You remember what I said the other day, right?"

"Of course I do. We'll just tell her to leave you alone. Come on, Sasuke. If you won't let us go to Las Vegas, at least let us have some fun while we're here."

He sighed. "Alright. Whatever. But call with one of your phones."

"Awesome!" Naruto cheered with glee, then picked up his phone. "Guys, anyone know what number to call?"

"Well," Neji sighed. "I did see this one number on Television once during Adult Hour - don't even ask. And, since I have a photographic memory, I could...well, actually, let me tell you the story about what I was watching so you don't all take me for some psychotic pervert."

"We don't need a story, Neji. Just give me the number."

"Oh...fine."

Neji loved explaining things, but this story would have to wait. Naruto dialed up the number and ordered a stripper like he was ordering a pepperoni pizza without any sauce or cheese, and in fact decided to just take the crust off the pizza and pour garlic sauce where everything else should go.

Almost immediately afterwards, a tall, busty blonde knocked on the door. Naruto grinned. "She's cute, too."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen to be away from the rest of them.

"Well, helloooo there," Naruto said, opening the door. She flipped her hair out of her face.

"Hey. Alright, so it's a per-hour job, and-"

"That won't be neccesary. I'll pay whatever you demand by the end of this."

She widened her eyes a little, then smiled. "Okay, so who's the lucky boy?"

"He'll be here soon, my lady," Naruto chimed, and then looked towards Sai and Neji. "Until then, you don't really have to do anything. Can I get you anything? We won't have alcohol till he gets here, but Sasuke always has soda laying around."

"I'll just take a water," she smiled, awkwardly. Why the hell were they not treating her like a stripper?

Sai approached her when Naruto left the room.

"I really like your boots," he said, sheepishly.

"Um...thank you?"

"What brand are they?"

"Well, these are by Tom Suede, from his line of leather boots."

"Tom Suede? You make enough money to buy those?"

A hint of surprise was in his voice.

"Well, being naked pays off sometimes. How would you know how much they cost?"

He smiled, and walked away without saying anything. Naruto brought her the water and looked out the window.

"He's here!" he yelled. "Everyone, get in your positions!"

"Positions? Which one?" the stripper yelled, putting the glass of water onto a nearby table.

Neji, who was being awkwardly cooperative, undid his belt and left it open, then sat down with his legs apart. Sai took off his shirt and threw it on the staircase. Naruto, well, he opened the door.

"Hey, bro. Welcome back. The party just got started."

Sasuke came out, because he knew what was about to happen, and wanted to see the reaction.

Kiba entered the room and sat down the beers, then looked up. And instantly, he was drawn to her.

"Well, hello there," he said, grinning. The girl blushed and backed up. Then, it hit him. "Ino...?"

If music had been playing, it would have stopped abruptly with a screeching noise.

"Kiba, it...um..."

"What are you...wearing?"

"It's...um..." she blushed, then looked up with a fake look of jokery. "Surprise!"

"Why is..."

Kiba turned around and glared at Naruto. Because he knew Naruto started this.

"Why is my girlfriend in police lingerie?"

"Holy shit," Naruto choked. "This is your girlfriend? That's...that's..."

"Embarrassing?" Ino asked, pleading with her eyes for him to say no. Kiba looked back at her.

"Why didn't you tell me? You said you worked at Krispy Kreme!"

"I do! On weekdays!"

"What the hell?"

Kiba backed away from her, and walked towards Sasuke's couch. He got into the fetal position.

"Naruto. Pay her. Ino. Leave, after he pays you."

Ino nodded. "I'm sorry, Kiba. I needed the money-"

"To buy a pair of golden leather boots?"

"No...these were a gift. I was saving it for something special..."

"You realize this is like, worse than just cheating on me, right?"

"I'm sorry. I'll leave now." She looked at Naruto. "Don't pay me."

Then, she left.

"I'm glad you didn't have to pay her," Neji said under his breath. "Because that was priceless."

Naruto looked back at him and shook his head. "I forgot that you were the world's biggest douche."

That _was_ why they had quit talking after high school, truth be told. Neji knew just how to piss someone off. And he loved to do so, ALL THE TIME.

Pissing someone off was like taking candy from a baby—people might cry or scream but you still get enjoyment from it because, well, candy. Who doesn't like candy? (Neji didn't really like candy actually, unless it was sour because he was a sour person. He thought it was a good reflection.)

"Thank you," Neji replied to Naruto with a monotone voice and a deadpan stare. The blond felt a chill.

Naruto coughed awkwardly and looked around the room quickly. Kiba was still freaking the fuck out (in a corner now, where nobody had to pay attention to him), Sai was struggling to put his shirt back on because it was prostitute-tight (prostitute clothes, not the actual prostitute), and Sasuke was just chilling.

He decided to talk to Sasuke because he knew Sasuke, Sasuke was his best Bro, and he wasn't ALWAYS completely insane. Most of the time, yes, but it was okay. He had learned to deal with it.

"You're a moron," was the greeting Naruto got as he approached his best friend.

"...I love you too."

"No, seriously, you're a fucking moron," Sasuke replied, trying to reinforce the fact that Naruto was a stupid, immature, _idiot_of a person that was ugly.

(That was what he got for standing next to Sasuke all the time though, it was comparison thing. He was pretty attractive, actually. Kaythanks.)

Naruto crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. He didn't like it when people insulted his intelligence. He may have been stupid, but he wasn't dumb or a moron. "It's not like I _knew _it was his girlfriend. Damn Kiba doesn't ever show her off..." he trailed off and then suddenly completely changed gears, "I don't know why though, did you see her rack? DAY-UM."

Kiba, who wasn't that far away from them, let out a loud groan and slammed his head on one of the couch's accent pillows. This caused a few minutes of long quiet. Naruto wondered if he should ever go apologize to Kiba, or at least go get a beer while the silence was dragging along. No one looked at anyone. Even Sai, who had always been the peace maker, stood quietly against the staircase once his shirt was back on.

"It was a large rack," Neji spoke up, as if he'd been putting serious thought into this.

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Getting Sasuke to be oblivious was, although not at first, a simple task.

They had tried to spike his drink, but failed miserably as he suddenly decided he wasn't thirsty in the first place.

However, once he got his earbuds in his ears, he handed his tickets - which he had failed to look at - to Naruto, commanding him to just show the lady when they boarded the plane.

And now that they were on it, the only problem left was finding a seat.

"I'm sorry," the flight attendant said. "Something went wrong, we only have three first class seats left. The two of you are welcome to sit in the back and get money back, or just wait for the next flight."

Sasuke was about to remove his headphones, but Naruto motioned for him to hold on a second.

"That's fine. Can you please show me and my friend here to our seats?"

She smiled at the fact that they weren't going to yell at her about this - because honestly, it had nothing to do with her and having people yelling at you when you did nothing wrong in the first place is annoying - and showed Naruto to his seat first. It was in the middle row, the chair furthest to the left. The television was in plain sight, so he wouldn't have any problems.

Sasuke, on the other hand, got sent to the very back of the plane.

He kept his headphones on, unaware that you were unable to listen to any portable electronics. He'd never been on a plane before, to be honest. Once the plane was up in the air, though, the flight attendant approached him.

"Sir," she said, tapping him on the shoulder. "I'm going to have to ask you to remove your headphones and turn that off until we tell you it's okay."

He nodded, and wrapped the wire around the iPod.

That's when he realized exactly where he was sitting.

To his left, a roley-poley woman with long, curly blonde hair. Her shirt came up exactly to inches above where her pants were, and the sleeves were more like straps. On his right, an even larger woman - this one with short black hair and a red streak in it.

"So then I said, 'Just because I'm a porn star, doesn't mean you have any right to call me a whore!' and then he left. Just like that," said the one on the right, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"I hate how men are so possessive - women are so much better."

"That's why we're together in this, love."

Sasuke widened his eyes. He was dying to put his headphones back in.

"So, what day _is _our next movie, anyways?"

"Oh, it's tomorrow! We're doing another threesome. But the third person up and quit, so they'll be looking around Las Vegas for the next guy."

Las Vegas?

Sasuke looked at the one on the right and gulped. She was, er, intimidating...

"Ma'am-did you just say Las Vegas?" He asked her.

"Well, yeah. That's where we're going anyways," she said.

"Why?" asked the blonde, crossing her legs and leaning even more closely to Sasuke. "Wanna be in our next film, big boy?"

"NO-I mean, no thank you. I'm, uh, getting married," he said, feeling fear rising up from his stomach to his face. Or maybe that was his food, about to be launched out onto the concept of being in a porno.

"Shame," she replied, then looked back down. The black haired girl smiled at him.

"Aren't we going to Los Angeles? Why would you go to there, then Las Vegas? Is it discounted? Or are you doing..." he paused. "Are you doing a tour?"

"Los Angeles? Oh dear, I think you're on the wrong flight."

"No, we're...going to Los Angeles..."

The flight attendant stopped in the aisle and looked at him, overhearing the conversation - partially on purpose, because she wanted to hear everything this sexy, sexy beast of a man had to say.

"Sir, there are no planes going to LA today," she butted in. "It's hurricane weather..."

"Then...maybe we did get on the wrong one...oh shit."

It was surprising how long it took him to reach the conclusion that Naruto had indeed set him up, and they were indeed on the plane to...Las Vegas...

"Fuck, man!" he yelled, about to stand up and realizing the seatbelt sign was still on. "That asshole!"

The blonde girl's head landed on his shoulder, and she began to snore.

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**Part 2/End Chapter coming next.**


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